Monday, December 19, 2005

Bush Killings

President George Bush shot three black teenagers, execution-style in a small study just outside the oval office this morning in full view of shocked reporters. When asked to explain the slayings the president stated, "I had intelligence that said these detainees were planning to vote democratic in the next election. And that was a risk, that, as president, I was not prepared to take." NPR White House correspondent Don Gonyea politely asked the president whether shooting Americans in the head at point blank range was legal. Bush replied "9/11 changed my view of killing innocent people." Stepping over the bleeding corpses, the president continued, "I shot these suspects in the head today so we don't have to fight hand-to-hand with them tomorrow."

Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez defended the killing as, "Perfectly legal under the powers granted to the president in the wake of the September 11 attacks."

Senator John Mc Cain also defend Bush's actions saying, "We all know that since September 11 we have new challenges with enemies that exist within the United States of America - so the equation has changed." Democratic Senator Joe Lieberman said that while he of course regretted the shooting of any innocent American the attacks of 9/11 showed that the president can not simply wait for our enemies to grow up and hatch some plot to damage the president's image. So he decided to take pre-emptive action and every loyal American should support him."

Other congressional democrats were less supportive of Bush. Illinois Senator Barack Obama cautioned against jumping to any conclusion about Bush's guilt. "Other presidents have killed innocent people.” said the first term democrat. "So I'd be reluctant to criticize Mr. Bush too harshly." Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid called the shootings an outrage and demanded that hearings be held... eventually.

Fox New senior editor Brit Hume said his network will not cover the story if the White House killings, "Fox News knows that America in only interested in a presidential murder if it is of an attractive blonde in Aruba.